My Own Worst Enemy

It is incredibly difficult to explain the gazillion things that go through my head on an average day (and quite often I can’t even rationalize them myself).

After attempting for years to no avail, I recently stumbled upon an article by Elite Daily contributor Meredith L. Brown titled 22 Absolutely Evil Things Only True Perfectionists Will Understand, in which she took a swing at explaining it.

Quite often these types of articles are over-generalized checklists that just about any reader could relate to. But might I just say, Meredith, you did a phenomenal job of putting what it’s like to be me, a true perfectionist, into words.

I am incredibly critical of the people around me and even more so of myself. I’ve learned to control most of these critiques from spewing out of my mouth unfiltered (since some people might say they’re a bit “rude”).

Finding people to admire (you know, the whole point of this blog) has proven to be much more of a challenge than it really should be.

I tend to hold others to the same standards I hold myself, which makes it rather difficult to look up to others without spending my time picking at them to find their flaws the same way I destroy myself.

While this was probably the most difficult task I’ve taken on for this blog thus far, but I was able to pull out just a few points from the article that really stuck out to me:

3. Being teased by friends for “always having to be perfect” or making fun of your perfectionist tendencies. (I can take a joke, but after a while they’re just adding to the list of things I criticize myself for.)

10. The exhaustion of always trying to do everything right. (Who needs to sleep when I could be rehearsing my presentation for the sixty-seventh time tonight?)

12. You are tired of letting numbers rule your life; you missed out on 90 percent of college because you would have a mental breakdown if you earned any grade below a 90 percent. (My parents have definitely gotten this call from me more than once since I went off to Fredonia.)

14. Perfection equals success, right? Therefore, you think if you slip up just once (like by doing something rebellious that gets you in trouble), your whole future is going down the drain. (The “I might as well marry rich because I’m going to be a failure” discussion has been on repeat in my head since I was twelve.)

15. As much as you don’t want to be, you are overly critical of others. (See, I told you.)

16. You feel compelled to always do everything way beyond what is necessary. (I know I don’t really have to give a 20-minute presentation… but I HAVE to.)

18. Because you are always stressed, you have “meltdowns” all the time. (People don’t even ask me if anything is wrong anymore, since something is almost always wrong.)

19. No matter how many times people tell you not to stress, it just falls on deaf ears. (BUT THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS TO STRESS ABOUT!)

22. You are consumed with caring about what other people will think. (If I can find this many things wrong with myself, what are other people thinking of me!?)

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